March 7, 2010

My Canvas

I was so moved by my “friend” Angie’s post ( Angie Smith is the gifted writer of Bring the Rain, the story of Audrey Caroline) last week though it wasn’t immediately clear why. I initially thought that it was I could sympathize with her father leaving the canvas blank. I have always been an artistic person, crayon art on my mother’s wallpaper when I was 2, drawing classes in elementary school, pottery throwing and art history in High School, lots more art history, pottery throwing and finally a studio art major in college. So there have been quite a few lumps of clay, canvases and a huge spread of wallpaper I could have done more with.

Then it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. There was a much bigger message for me from God and made clear through her post. I was in fact leaving my canvas blank because I was so scared it wouldn’t turn out to be the masterpiece I had envisioned in my head.

Last November, I lost my job, I was let go, fired, given the pink slip, whatever you want to call it. For months afterward when people asked how I was handling it, I shrugged it off and said, “Oh its such a huge blessing in disguise, now I’ll get to do what I love.”

Fast forward 5 months and I am still saying the same thing. What in the world was I doing? The post by Angie was the push I needed to get going. I had faith all along that this all really was a blessing in disguise. Problem is, faith is nothing without works. And I wasn’t putting in the “works”. I was letting this huge opportunity pass me by, being more depressed by the day, being snippy towards my husband, sleeping in, not exercising, watching too much TV and inhaling a few too many bon bons.

I knew I needed a change, I needed to not be doing what I was doing before, I was miserable and miserable to be around. I considered being a nurse, a pilot, a chef, a teacher, a dancer, a fireman (you get the idea). I am not kidding - I had lists scribbled everywhere of what I could be. I even had this realization one day and told my husband, “Problem is, I was told I could be anything when I grew up and now I want to be everything.” Of course, being the wise, calm and logical one that he is, he said, “Why don’t you just be you?”

Novel idea. I would have never thought of it myself. Instead of lists of what I could be, this is a list of what I am: A Christian, a wife, a daughter, a mother to two hound dogs. I am creative, impatient, optimistic and giving. For now, I have created SplendidMinta to chronicle my journey and have started sewing as a creative outlet. If you feel inclined you can check out my Etsy store. I have also applied for several part time jobs that have nothing to do with my former professional career.

Mr. Logical (my hubby) and I last November

To be honest, I don’t know where this blog will go, what I will do when I grow up (I’m almost 26), what topics will be covered but I hope you will go on this journey with me. I hope you will pray for me to be patient as His plan for my life and my talents is revealed.

Until next time,


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